The Wild Side

I'm free. I have no husband, my girls are independent of my daily care, and work is a want instead of a need. There were times when I longed for this freedom. I've spent my life in constraints. The typical constraints of marriage, motherhood, and work. The constraint of extreme sport. Clean and sober-ish living. I've kept my wild side on a tight leash.

Now I'm off the leash.

I had thought my wild side would create chaos in my life. It would be Swedish Berries by the bag full, chardonnay by the box full, sleeping all day and dancing all night, leaving town and changing my identity. I worried that if I was off the leash, I might run off to Italy, buy a vineyard, and take a 20 year-old lover. It turns out that my wild isn't quite so wild. It's Swedish Berries by the hand full, the occasional mushroom trip, waking before dawn for ocean swims, and leaving town for a weekend to hike the Grand Canyon while my girls track my movements using location sharing.

True freedom is trusting myself to make good decisions, choosing constraints that lead to fulfillment, and embracing adventure without the fear of chaos. If an Italian vineyard is in my future, it will turn a healthy profit and my lover will be at least 40.