Semi Retirement

Semi-retired. My skin crawls at the word. I've never been "semi" anything. Throughout my life, every nook and cranny were filled with the pursuit of one all-consuming passion or another from building my career, to raising my girls and puppies, to intense athletic challenges. I filled any gaps that might otherwise have included rest and relaxation with renovating and moving homes. My oldest had lived in 5 homes by the age of 5.

Within the all-consuming, I simultaneously access the safety of control and the peace of submission. Two of my favourite things. I chose the nature of the pursuit but, once chosen, it becomes my master. Work deadlines, or the routine demands of young ones, or the rigour of physical challenges have shaped my day to day like a domineering boss. My mind and body are craving a fix of my drug of choice, that magical combination of control and submission. I've secured new athletic challenges. The Pacific Crest Trail. The Stoked Scramble. The Canadian Physique Alliance, Bikini Division.

I've judged myself for this addiction to focused intensity. I've admired those enlightened free spirits who gently float instead of relentlessly drive. But no more (ish). I recently asked my youngest daughter how she would describe me. She said that I was easy-going and intense. Damn. I felt seen. In her perception of me, I found acceptance of me (ish). I'm an intense, passionate, free spirit who loves a challenge. Never "semi" anything.