Born Again

I was born born-again. Raised in the church. Growing up, some church-stuff stuck in my throat. Women don't lead, they follow. Sex is shameful. Let God run your life, you ain't in charge (speak for yourself, Mr. Pastor). My grandparents believed life insurance was sacrilegious. God will provide. As an accountant-in-the-making, I thought God might agree that term insurance when you have dick all assets and a bunch of dependents is a good idea. But "God will provide" on a post-it-note was their brand of estate planning. Growing up, I washed these pills down with family and community connection and the peace that comes from having faith. Regardless of the truth, conviction feels good.

In my mid-twenties, I was served a pill too big to swallow. Gay people are sinners. Sure, we're all sinners but gay people are bigger sinners. I'm sure I'd heard it before. I'm sure it had floated past without attracting my close attention. But not that day. Say what now? I knew in that moment. This isn't the truth. This isn't for me.

For a long time, I threw baby Jesus out with the bath water. Because there was another churchy idea that limited my thinking. It's all or nothing. If you're a believer, you believe it all. Since I knew in my bones that being gay isn't a sin, I labeled myself, unbeliever. Wrong. I am a believer. I believe that the Holy Spirit fills all of us, connects all of us (no subscription required). I believe that God has a hand in all of our lives. In my life, I've found that the hand of the divine absolutely, positively does not prevent suffering but I live more fully when I accept, even embrace, all of life - the suffering and the joy.

I'm born-again again. No church required. Although church can be great. Just don't take the pills.

Happy Easter.

xoxo
Kelly